This is my first blog. Let me introduce myself. My name is Summer, I’m Chantel’s younger sister. I’m married to an amazing man and have two amazing teen boys.
Grief… why I choose to write about Grief on my first blog post. It’s a subject I believe I can write a book about. I lost my dad, my best friend, in 1999. I was only 20. He was 45. My dad never did get to see me graduate college. I know he would have been proud of me. In 2000 I graduated from college. In 2001 I got married. My first husband passed away when he was only 30, my kids were 3 and 1, in 2005, just a few months following Hurricane Katrina. This was painful, gutwrenching to say the least. I now knew the pain of losing a dad and my husband. (I have since remarried a wonderful man). Just when I thought I healed from grief. When I thought I was “ok”, Grief took another turn. This time it hit me hard.
My worse fear, my mom. You see, my mom was sick for years with her lungs. She was in and out of hospitals; so I thought this last hospital visit was another routine hospital visit and she was going to be out. Never did I imagine this would be her last hospital visit, FOREVER. Two years ago she went to the hospital with her usual difficulty breathing, and this time they had to intubate her. I just had that eery feeling that this wasn’t good, but still, something told me to have hope. Then my mom started talking about wanting to go HOME. She didn’t say to her house down the street, she meant HOME in Heaven! This was when the Chris Tomlin song “Home” came out and spoke immensely too me. (Listen to it if you haven’t already). My mom celebrated her 63rd birthday in the hospital and on February 4th, just a few minutes shy of my oldest son’s 15th birthday and the Superbowl, she passed away. She was finally HOME!
These two years have been ups and downs for me. Do I still Grieve? Absolutely! Do I have HOPE? Absolutely! “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” Revelations 21:4 (NIV) As a Christian, I have Hope, that one day, I will see my loved ones again in Heaven. I have Hope that they are rejoicing in Heaven and celebrating. I have Hope that they are healed and made whole again. That although they did not have healing here on earth, that because they received the gift of eternal salvation, they are completely healed in Heaven! This brings me HOPE!
When dealing with loved ones who are still grieving, whether it is for someone who recently passed away or someone who has been passed been gone for quite a while, I would like to bring up some pointers:
- Remember that everyone Grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to Grieve.
- Birthdays, special occasions, holidays, the anniversary of their loved ones passing–these days may be especially hard on those that have lost loved ones.
- Sometimes those that are grieving do not want you to “fix” their situation. They just want you to listen. Saying things like “get over it”, “time will heal all wounds”, “you will see them again one day”, “they are looking down on you” ….. It sounds nice and wonderful; however, sometimes, the person who is grieving just wants to share a special memory with you about their loved one. They don’t need you saying anything in return. Offer a hug! Say I’m thinking of you on a special day! That is simply enough.
- Also, remember that new Grief brings up old Grief. I know this. When I lost my mom, I grieved the loss of my dad all over again.
Grief is different for everyone. I grieved differently for each loved one that passed away. I found comfort in knowing where their HOME is and I found comfort in knowing who my comforter is.
I found music that spoke to me during my lowest times and helped me to heal. I also found my true dependence on Christ and Him Alone. I’ve also realized what this verse truly means.
” Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4